The Formation of Costa Blanca, From a Divine Geogonical Perspective
(Set in the context of places where I have lived, so a tad subjective)
- So, how would you like your soil? You can chose betwee —
- Black!
- Wait, are you sure, you haven’t heard all the —
- Black!
- All right. Black it is. And now for the rocks, — -
- No rocks!
- Are you sure?
- No rocks!
- But, you know, they can be useful for building, and, I don’t know, gravestones, and maybe for pressing down cabbage in the barrels?
- No rocks!
- All right, but don’t come back complaining when you have to leave the good sauerkraut stone to your eldest son — -
- No stones!
- All right, no stones, no rocks, black soil. Noted.
- But it has to be really black.
- Gotcha.
- Really really really black.
- Ok.
- So black that people call it blacksoil. Like, you come and look at it and say ‘Look at this excellent blacksoil!’, and also, like, ‘This is the best blacksoil I’ve ever’ — -
- All right, now you’re getting on My nerves. We’re finished here, Pannonia, move on. Next!
Oh, Me. I’ve forgotten to ask about the sea. Blast. I think I’ll just give them the sea, and then — let Me think — yeah, I’ll just let it slowly run out, by, let Me see, a river, right. I’ll put the river here, and it has to be a really big one, so it’ll manage to carry off a whole sea. And then I’ll put another river to feed it, just here. Excellent. So now Pannonia will both have and not have a sea, can’t complain.
- Next! Dalmatia!
- Rocks: white. Soil: red. Sea: blue.
- You have obviously already given this some thought.
- But I want the earth to be really really red, and the rocks really white, and the sea really — -
- Let me guess, really really blue?
- Yes! Really really really blue!
- Well, blue is the standard color for the Mediterranean Sea.
- But I want my sea to be especially blue. Like, the bluest blue you can muster.
- Allright. Off you go.
- Next! Scandinavia!
- I’d like a lot of rocks!
- Right.
- Granitt! Loads of granitt.
- Right.
- Loads and loads and loads of granitt!
- Ok.
- I love granitt.
- Yeah, who would’ve guessed. So, that’d be — let Me see — gray?
- Yes! The most beautiful color! The color of granitt.
- Right. The sea?
- Also gray! Gray is the — -
- Yeah, yeah, I know. The most beautiful color. Right. Gray sea. Ok. The soil?
- What?
- The soil. What color do you want it?
- Do I have to have soil?
- Yes, you actually do.
- But I don’t want soil! I want granitt! Granitt is the — -
- Oh, for My sake, you have to have soil! It’s not optional!
- What is the default color?
- Brown.
- All right then. I’ll have some brown soil. But just a tiny bit. Like a real thin layer over granitt so that granitt just pops up every —-
- Yeah, all right.
- I think granitt is very beautiful.
- You don’t say.
- Anyhow, I don’t like the stupid soil, I’ll cover it at once, so the dark green of the pine forests will make the beautiful deep gray of granitt just — -
- Oh for My sake, get out! Now!
Oh, Me, this one was exhausting. Hope the next one will be easier…
- Next! Wha — -
- I’d like my rocks white!
- All right, that’s a popular choice in the Mediterranean. And the soil?
- Also white.
- Soil, white… Wait, what? You can’t!
- Can’t what?
- You can’t! No one has ever asked for the same color of rocks and soil! And both white, it’s just — -
- Well, I am asking for it! I want white soil and I want white rocks.
- Now, that’s highly unconventional, I mean, — -
- Well, can you do it?
- Of course, it’s just that — -
- Well, can you, or can you not?
- Obviously, I can, I mean, I am omnipotent, after all!
- So, then, white soil, and white rocks, and when the humans come, they’ll build their houses in all the nuances of white!
- There is actually no such thing as nuances of white, you see, white is technically not a color, white and black are what you’d call —-
- Are you omnipotent or not?
- Yes, yes, unfortunately, I am.
- Create them then! Create hundreds of nuances of white! The nuances of white for my rocks and the nuances of white for my soil, and the nuances of white for my cities, and make sure they differ among them, so they don’t get mixed up!
- Right, right, got it. An endless number of the nuances of white. Now for the sea — -
- Green!
- No you can’t have a shallow tropical sea here, you’ve already been assigned Mediterranean.
- Yes, yes, the Mediterranean Sea.
- So, blue?
- No, green.
- Mediterranean Sea, green?
- Yes, emerald green.
- But — -
- You did say you were omnipotent?
- Yes, I’m afraid I did. Oh, My Me…
- And from now on, I’d like to be called — -
- Let Me guess! Costa Blanca?
- How did you know?
- I’m omniscient, too. Now, please leave. Just. Leave.
Democracy, geological democracy, I wonder whose stupid idea it was? Mine, of course, when will I ever learn…
All right, still, this was the last one, finished with the geology. Now I’ve got just a couple of loose ends, let Me see, yes, the language: I have this one here ready, a perfect logical language, unambiguous and unchangeable, the angels have been more than happy with it. So all of the humanity will be speaking this one perfect language, and have absolute understanding of each other, won’t they just love it! So I guess it’s just a routine meeting with the human representatives, shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes, let’s say half an hour at most. And then, I’ll be having one — one and a half hours before I make the sun go down, enough time to finish up the paperwork, so, tomorrow, yes, tomorrow I could take a day off! We could all take a day off! I think I should write it down! Let Me see… But the third day is — let’s call it, eh, Wednesday, yes, Wednesday is a good word —so the third day is the Wednesday of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter — et cetera et cetera, I’ll fill it in later. Now let Me just add this here — and when that day hath passed and thou art well rested, thou shalt do whatsoever pleaseth thee for the remainder of the week. Get thyself a hobby or something. There! Yes, a two days’ working week and a five days’ weekend sounds just about right. Well done, Me!
